R1/2 -- Chris Collins (artc@mastnet.net)

	(OLD VOICE: Welcome to another exciting episode of Bonanza!) Psst.
*whisperwhisperwhisper* (OLD VOICE: Oh.  That again.) *whisperwhisper* (OLD
VOICE: So soon?) !THUMP! OH, I don't know why I let you commentate this week
anyway! (CUTE VOICE: Act of insanity?)

	(OLD VOICE: *ow* HEY, that wasn't very nice, sonny!  Happou Dai Karin!)
!BOOM BOOM!

	Hey! *cough cough* You better cut that out! *cough*

	(OLD VOICE: Nya nya.  Stick this up your....)

	Ok!  You asked for it!  UKYOU!  VENT FRUSTRATION! (OLD VOICE: mommy.)

	!WHACKWHACKSMASH! (CHEF'S NOTE: DAMN THAT BITCH MIKO!) !CRASHBOOMSMASH!
(CHEF'S NOTE: IF I EVER GET MY HANDS ON HER...!) !BAMCRASH!  (CHEF'S NOTE:
THAT LITTLE SLUT'S GOT A PRESENT COMING THAT I'LL BE HAPPY TO DELIVER!)
!SMASHBOOMBOOM CRASH! (OLD VOICE: eep. stp. mk er stp.)

	Well anyway, it's time for the next installment of... !CRASHWHAMBANG! (OLD
VOICE: erk.) ...Nyanniichuan.  I really don't know how I'm going to...
!SMASHCRACKSNAP! (OLD VOICE: Mst hv panties... fding fst.) ...outdo my last
chapter or even if I can.... !POWCRUNCHSNAP! (CHEF'S NOTE: THE BITCH MUST
DIE SHE CAN ROT IN HELL!) (OLD VOICE: *gurgle*) Can you two hold it down!?
!POW CRASH BANG BOOM! (CUTE VOICE: *singing* In leaps the Batman, makin life
safe again for all the Gotham citizens.  He's so bitchin, he's so brave,
it's back to the Batcave....) OH, HELL!  I don't know HOW I manage to get
ANY work done around here! !CRACKSPLATTEROOZE! Will someone PLEASE pull the
curtain?!

	(CUTE VOICE: *clapclap* Okay!)

              -----------===================------------
              |       An Iron Dagger Production        |
              -----------===================------------

	Emperor Xi Fang's palace, simply a cluster of oversized pagodas stacked
atop one another with trace elements of Mongolian architecture (CUTE VOICE:
Like swinging doors?), stood regally at its post within a large recess in
the jungle and silently awaited the greeting of dawn.  Since midnight, when
a volley of explosions at the Jusenkyou Springs rose and died, the land had
been unusually peaceful and inactive, like the calm before a storm.  The
moon had fallen behind the treeline and a few rays of light started to
penetrate the dark sky to make way for the emperor sun.

	Suddenly, the whole palace shook with a violent explosion from within its
walls; a fiery pheonix broke free from the lower level and ascended to the
sky, then headed toward the still-unpresent sun.  The mighty palace, dealt a
serious and unexpected blow, weaved and quivered on its foundation, but
somehow remained standing.  A short while later, many shadowed people
scattered from the structure in several directions like ants in disarray,
most of them screaming.

              -----------===================------------
              |        Written and Directed by:        |
              |        Christopher Lee Collins         |
              -----------===================------------

	"Guardian Spirit, w-what's wrong?"  Miko backed away from Ranma, startled.
Ranma was crouched on all fours, her eyes slitted ferally; all she was doing
at the moment was hissing at the shimmercat with her back arched.  Twilight
growled and placed herself defensively between Miko and the berserking
martial artist.

	Doshin recognized the look in Ranma's eyes and rushed to his daughter's
aid.  At the same time, Lon was pushing himself up on his hands. Taking the
most direct path, Doshin unintentionally jumped onto Lon's back and the back
of his head, crushing him back into the rubble.  Doshin drew his sword and
took up a defensive position beside his familiar.

	 Lon instantly jumped to his feet and roared, red with anger, "I'M GOING TO
TEAR EACH OF YOU TO PIECES WITH MY BARE HANDS!!!"  He ran straight for
Doshin and Twilight with his arms outstetched--using a steamroller technique
(except steamrollers hadn't been invented yet).

	"Look out, Mr. Lee!"  Reikiba jumped behind Doshin and pushed him aside,
then rammed his bokken square in the giant's chest; the wooden sword
splintered all the way to the hilt, and although the force of the impact was
somehow sufficient to slow the giant down, Lon appeared undamaged and madder
than ever.  He grabbed the samurai by an arm and flung him around toward a
wall by the non-existant main doors.  Reikiba sailed across the room at
breakneck speed, but he still managed to land on the wall on his feet.

	Meanwhile, Doshin swiped at Lon's feet and tripped him.  The giant fell
hard, but that didn't stop him from grabbing Doshin's ankles, rolling to the
side, and hurling the swordsman in the same direction he threw Reikiba.
Doshin sailed across the room headfirst, but the samurai intercepted him
after rebounding off the wall; they both fell safely to the ground, only
slightly beaten, but Reikiba was holding his right arm as if it had been
dislocated.

              -----------===================------------
              |    Based on Characters Created by:     |
              |            Rumiko Takahashi            |
              -----------===================------------

	Ranma hissed and ferociously pounced on Lon before he knew what hit him;
they both disappeared in a big dustcloud of violent motion and fighting sounds.

	At that moment, the whole palace shook once again, not as violently as with
Lon's attack, but adequately enough to shake the walls from their fittings.
Pieces of the ceiling started raining down, and the walls started collapsing
and falling into the floor.

	Miko threw her arms over her head and ran in her father's direction,
Twilight following.  Several small rocks beat against her arm and head and
sizeable chunks grazed her shoulders and legs.  She made it more than
half-way before she collapsed.  She looked up in time to see a boulder
heading in her direction.

	Miko screamed just as a glowing blue-and-orange streak smashed into the
large rock, scattering it into smaller pieces.  The smaller rocks that fell
in her direction were further smashed by a bokken whizzing above her body
like a mad mosquito.  Seconds later, Doshin raised her head to his chest and
asked, "Are you unhurt?"  She blinked her eyes open and smiled tears.

	Lon was on his feet and steadily backing up, holding his arms out in front
of him in a futile effort to block the pigtailed catwoman's raging blows.
Lon's robe had already been torn to shreads and his blue-and-orange trousers
were ripped apart just below the knee.  There were numerous, bleeding
slashes on his forearms and torso, and IT REALLY HURT!  His hissing enemy
was moving too fast for a counterattack to make a difference.  The ceiling
was falling on them as well, but neither cared--Ranma just tore the stones
to dust and Lon took them with little damage.

              -----------===================------------
              |       Ranma Saotome and Miko Lee       |
              |                  in:                   |
              -----------===================------------

	Doshin was helping his daughter walk toward the door.  While Doshin
continued slashing upward, Reikiba threw many powerful kicks and Twilight
shuttled around the room like a rebounding ball of fire in an effort to
destroy all rocks falling in their direction.  When Miko started resisting,
Doshin pleaded, "We have to get out of here before the whole place falls!"

	Miko broke from his grasp and staggered wildly back the other way.  "NO!
We can't leave Guardian Spirit!"

	"We cannot save him!  We have to...."  Doshin let his guard down long
enough for a fist-sized rock to knock him across the head.  He fell to the
ground, still conscious but blurry.

	"Daddy!  Ow!"  Another rock hit her still tender-shoulder and she limped
out of the way just as a Miko-sized stone dropped behind her back.
She hurried to her father's side.  Twilight and Reikiba drew closer to
Doshin and redoubled their efforts to stop falling debree, but there was too
much falling at once.  Miko threw herself over her father and yelled,
"Guardian Spirit!  Save us!"

	Ranma's ears perked up like a cat's at the sound of Miko's cry (like a
kitten calling its mother).  She continued her attack a second longer, and
Lon was still able to stand against the punishment, unable and unwilling to
admit defeat. (CUTE VOICE: Poor, poor, stupid Lon.) She then jumped onto the
ceiling, kicking it as hard as she could, and catapulted herself in Miko's
direction.  The entire ceiling rumbled and started to fall, particularly
over Lon, who was buried in a blink.

	Ranma reached Miko with fingers/claws outstretched just as the whole room
imploded.
              
              -----------===================------------
              |             NYANNIICHUAN:              |
              |           Very Tragic Story            |
              |                Part VI                 |
              |  "Making the Most of a Bad situation"  |
              -----------===================------------

	"Damn her."  _She did that on purpose, no doubt._  Pae-Kau spat as he
trudged along a familiar grassy ledge by the Jusenkyou ponds under the
still-dim sky.  He ocassionally glanced over the edge toward the ponds to
see if he could remember which one he fell into--so he could curse it. He
had been walking nonstop since sundown.  All he thought about through his
long journey was how he wanted to ring that heartless witchwoman's neck.
His face was sweaty and scratched in numerous places, his short, black hair
was mussed with some form of dried porridge and lint, his limbs were tired
and aching, and all he had to wear was a wolfskin pelt that he had stolen.
He smiled sickly to himself.  _Wolf skin--how ironic._ 

	When he woke up earlier--whenever that was--he was lying on the ground,
deep in the jungle, at the edge of a stream, IN WOLF FORM!  It was apparent
that Salon had teleported him out of the inn after he had blacked out--he
was still sizzling--but it had to be more than a coincidence that he had
shown up in THAT part of the jungle in THAT form.  He breathed through his
teeth, "Lousy hunters and fur-traders.  I don't see why His Highness allows
such riffraff to live anywhere near the palace--much less live."

	After being chased around by bowmen for half the day, he finally decided to
invade one of their unprotected dwellings for some hot water--unfortunately,
a sturdy broom in a frightened woman's hands could be a very effective
weapon.  He rubbed the back of his head as a reflex to the thought and opted
to grumble some more.  "No clothes, no weapons, no dignity....  What else
can go wrong?" (CUTE VOICE: Hisssss.  Him speak deadly curse.)

	He froze in his tracks when he felt a sudden shift in the wind.  He could
almost hear the words "flying dragon ascension defeat" rolling through the
air.  In the direction of the palace, a huge whirlwind picked up with
devistating force--he saw huge chunks of the palace fly high into the air
along with a few uprooted trees.  He stood in awe of the fury of the new
phenomenon, and it caught him unprepared; the wind knocked him off his
heavily-fatigued legs and he fell over the edge of the cliff.

	"CURSE IT ALL!"

	!Splash! 

              -----------===================------------
              |             HAPPY THOUGHT:             |
              |   Maybe Happy Is Dead And We Can All   |
              |        Live Our Lives In Peace.        |
              -----------===================------------

	A great phoenix rose into the air and darted across the sky.  A booming
voice could be heard in its wake: "Mark me, Avatar!  Whether for
enlightenment or revenge, I shall defeat you!"

	Below, the fierce wind was dying down to a gentle breeze, scattering leaves
and dust away from the emmense mound of rubble that once called itself a
palace.  Tree branches and bits of rock continued to fall from the sky like
a light, early-morning rain.

	A tall shadow sprang from a corner of the destruction.  "Where could it
be?"  The shadow folded outward like a cloak (and sounded like one too) and
materialized into a long, black robe covered with dimly-sparkling points of
light; the substance that represented the man within remained dark and
obscure.  "Where could that fool bird have gone?"

	He glanced about the wreckage with casual disinterest, then walked three
paces to his left and crouched down.  "There you are.  You know how I
worry."  The ground seemed to ripple like a pool of water as his arm phased
through the rocks past his elbow.  He fumbled around a bit, then drew his
arm back.  Gently clutched in his hand was a barely-conscious and
thoroughly-dizzy crow.  He stood up and craddled the bird in both hands,
then chuckled.  "I trust your night was eventful."

	The dark-robed man fell deathly quiet when he heard a low rumbling coming
from the other side of the wreckage.  Tiny rocks and pebbles danced along
the surface as if animated by a miniature earthquake.  The rumbling got
louder and a large pile of rocks rose above the mound.

	Suddenly, the pile exploded, sending debree spouting into the air like a
geyser; the dark man had to throw up an air shield to keep from getting
pulverized.  "Mrrreeeeeooowww!!!"  A scantly-clad, redheaded, pigtailed girl
burst into the air, clawwing like mad, ripping apart all stray matter that
dared fly her way or threaten the hole she came from.

	The dark man, seeing an opening to dispose of a future enemy, pointed a
finger in Ranma's direction, ready to fire a bolt of energy he was reserving
just for her/him.  However, having quickly cleared the sky of raining
debree, the target made a u-turn in mid-air and darted back into the hole.

	The dark man lowered his hand and took a step forward when Ranma jumped
back out a second later with another redheaded, pigtailed girl; she had one
arm around the girl's waist and, as strange as it seemed, she had her mouth
clamped onto the back of the girl's shirt collar (like a mother cat carrying
her kitten by the scruff of the neck).  Ranma landed on all fours (well,
three) several yards from the hole, her chest heaving wildly, and gently set
the girl down.

	The dark man raised his hand again, somewhat less determined, hesitated,
then slowly lowered it again.  He stared at them a while longer while he
thought about the reason for his hesitation.  The sun finally peeked above
the horizon and shone its rays outward.  The dark man covered his eyes and
reflexively took a step back as if he were fending off a raging fire.  He
glanced at Ranma once more and absently stroked the feathery head of his
battered crow.  He muttered, "Perhaps another time," then faded into a
shadow and disappeared from sight.

	"Meow?"  Ranma nudged Miko's face in worry, but she wasn't responding--her
head just rolled lifelessly to the side.  The cat/martial artist/harem girl
whined pitifully, then turned toward the sun just as it was coming up.  She
growled when she thought she heard something up ahead, but looking around,
she could find no one.  She glanced at the warm, hopeful sun once more, then
returned to the unmoving girl in front of her.  She bent down and licked the
dirt from her cheek with long glides of the tongue (CHEF'S VOICE: *shudder*
Eeeewwww!); in respose, Miko took a much-needed deep breath and coughed a
few times, but didn't wake.  "Mreow?"  Ranma smiled and continued to clean
her face. (CHEF'S VOICE: Eeewwww.  Does Ranchan have to do that?)

	Ranma's ears perked up once more and she snarled at another sound.

	Reikiba and Twilight dragged Doshin's body from the hole and set him down
by the edge.  Twilight, having finished that task, collapsed in exhaustion,
having spent a lot of energy defending Miko.  Reikiba, panting with
near-asphixiation, propped himself on one arm while he went through a few
breathing exercises.  He stared back into the hole, still amazed--Ranma had
prevented the ceiling from crushing them by carving a cave around them WHILE
the roof was falling and WITH her bare hands.  He looked at the sword hilt
he was stll holding, sighed, and threw it over his shoulder.

	Ranma growled more forcefully at the samurai and put an arm over Miko to
pull her closer.  Reikiba stared in their direction and gasped, "Miss Lee!
Are you alright?"  Twilight, recognizing the warding look on Ranma's face,
instantly spang up against her fatigue, and started dragging her master
further away.

	"Miss Lee?"  Reikiba started crawling closer to Miko, unaware that he was
only making Ranma growl more.  "Are you hurt?"  He reached out a hand and
tried to touch Miko's shoulder, but Ranma snapped and tried to bite him.

	The samurai drew back, a bit confused. (CHEF'S VOICE: Damn!  Does this guy
need everything spelled out for him?) He smiled and held up his hand.
"Don't worry, Ranma--that is your name, isn't it?  I know you were a little
on edge down there, and I understand that women sometimes go through these
changes...."  Ranma instinctively bared her teeth at that remark, but there
was something peculiar about him that made her not want to attack--something
about his aura.

	"I'm not going to hurt Miss Lee."  The samurai slowly inched his hand
closer while he smiled innocently at Ranma, who merely watched his movement
with slitted eyes.  "There's nothing to be afraid of.  There's no reason to
be overprotective."  He broke eye contact with Ranma and looked down at
Miko, then placed his fingers lightly on her arm.

	Ah, to hell with his aura.  "Mrreeooooww! *hiss*"  Ranma pounced onto
Reikiba and they both disappeared in a fighting dustcloud.

	The rather one-sided battle ceased quickly and when the smoke cleared,
Ranma was brooding over Miko once more and Reikiba was lying on his back,
slightly scratched and bruised.  The samurai coughed and held his injured
arm.  "Very well.  I'll just leave her in your care while I take a short nap."

	Ranma snorted in his direction, then continued licking Miko's face clean.
(CHEF'S NOTE: Damnit, Ranchan!  Will you cut that out!?!) (CUTE VOICE: Will
husband lick Shampoo's face next?) (CHEF'S NOTE: Pervert!) Miko giggled and
mumbled, "Not now, Twilight, we've got to get out of here."  Ranma drew back
and looked at her compassionately.  Her eyes drooped and she yawned (like a
cat, of course), then she stretched (again, like a cat) and curled up close
to Miko to go to sleep.

		

	Salon darted past trees and bushes in an effort to keep up with the blue
streak far ahead of her.  "Liu-Sing, you fool!  Where are you going?!"
She jumped over a half-fallen tree and ducked under an overhanging of moss,
then she could not see the blue streak anymore.  Nevertheless, she kept
running in a straight line, hoping she was only lagging behind.

	A foot stuck out from behind a tree and Salon stumbled over it, but she
somersaulted in the air, jumped off a tree, and landed on the ground in a
crouch.  She yelled, "What is the meaning of this!?" then fell silent and
hoped he would give away his position.  She heard nothing for a long while.

	She slowly brought her staff in front of her and glanced around the area,
but the jungle was dense and there were too many hiding places.  Suddenly,
two vines lashed out when she wasn't looking, one wrapping around her staff
and the other wrapping around her neck.  She gasped as her weapon was
wrenched from her hands and she was sent headfirst into a tree.

	Salon fell to the ground, grasping at her throat and gasping for air, but
the vine didn't release her.  "*cough* W-what are you doing, you clown?!"

	Liu-Sing's voice echoed thoughout the jungle, the origin indeterminate:
"What does it look like I'm doing?  I'm attacking you--and doing a better
job that I expected."

	The vine weaved like a snake and flung her into an adjacent tree; she
landed on her shoulder and hit the back of her head.  After she fell down,
she backhanded the vine and it snapped.  "I thought you were supposed to be
on my side?"

	"Whatever gave you that idea?  I pledged my loyalty to the Emperor, not you."

	Salon narrowed her eyes.  "I see."  She got to her feet and scanned the
trees.  As she expected, another vine shot out at her.  She threw up her
right forearm and let it coil itself around, then she grabbed it and pulled.

	Liu-Sing came flying out of the foliage, madly flailing through the air.
Salon stuck out her foot for him to land on.  Instead, he grabbed her ankle
and slipped under her leg like a loose piece of paper caught in the breeze
(or in this case, vellum); he kicked upward, sending his foot crashing into
her ribcage, then wrapped that leg over hers and sent his other foot into
her inner thigh.  Using her ensnared leg as a lever, he sent her crashing
headfirst into the ground in front of her. (CHEF'S NOTE: Ewwwll.) (CUTE
VOICE: Ouch.)

	Liu-Sing rolled to his feet and sprinted back in the direction he came
from, laughing.  "Can't you do better than that?  No wonder you were losing
to that dark-robed wizard."  He disappeared into the jungle.  Two seconds
later, Salon's staff came twirling out.  "*chuckle* I think you'll be
needing this for the next battle.  Farewell.  Haha."

	Salon was bent in pain on the ground, unmoving, her injured leg still
straight.  Blood mixed with spit oozed out of the side of her mouth.  She
blinked her eyes slowly to assure herself that she was still alive, and her
head was spinning too much to give more complex commands to move.  She
gurgled weakly, "Kill... you."